I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
