I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
