God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
