last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
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Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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