Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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