ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
