its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
