dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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