Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
