3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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