just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize
