Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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