I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
