I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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