New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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