Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
