all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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