Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
