i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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