Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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