Im at strip club and am horny
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
