what if every blade of grass was a penis?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
