I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
