yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
pray to the hookup gods
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
