When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
