Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
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Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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