my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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