did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
