I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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