i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
