I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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