God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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