i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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