My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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