He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
