Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
