Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
