Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
