so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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