But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
organizing the empties. That sober.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
