For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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