Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
