So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my being single is dangerous.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
