"it" just moved
Don't EVER smell your tampon
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
