thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
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the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
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HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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