I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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