this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
