Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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