Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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