why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
