why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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