Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
