Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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