are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
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he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment