I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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