idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
