So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
