i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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