i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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