So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
