I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
