Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
