I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
