his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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