I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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