wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
