That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
