i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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