I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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