Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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