I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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