You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
